Second City "PTA Meeting"

Transcript (Download)

We're about ready to start the meeting.

Do you want to kind of come to order now? You all know me, I'm Martin Fry.

And this is the 73rd, 74th meeting of the Uppers Grove BTA.

And I guess we ought to read the minutes of the last meeting.

Does someone want to read the minutes from the last meeting, please? Marty, Marty Elliott -Pose here.

Councilman Elliott -Pose.

Marty, I think we can dispense with a minute from the last meeting.

I'm sure we all remember the unpleasant business over the school busing issue, the heated debate that followed, and all I can say is thank God for the timely arrival of our fine police force.

And what do you say we move on? All righty, we got a telegram here from Bill Poindexter, who was in the vanguard of that busing debate.

Bill's in the hospital.

Could we send him some flowers or something? Oh, Mr.

Fry, we only have 37 cents left in the treasury.

More than fiduciary information, Martin.

It seemed to me last week at this time there was close to 16 dollars in the treasury.

Today there's 37 cents.

How do you explain it? What are you implying? I'm not implying anything, honey.

I think someone's got their finger in your financial pie, if you know what I mean.

You know we have to buy ditto fluid.

Well, that's a shitload of ditto fluid, Martin.

That's not good.

Gus, can we get on to the regular order of business? Marty, we going to have the same old refreshments? Yeah, I guess we'll have the pool aid and cookies.

Someone's got a better idea.

Yeah, how about ditto fluid and cookies? All right.

Look, can we get on to the regular order of business? We've got a resolution here before us.

And look, why don't I just read the resolution and then we'll open it up for discussion, all righty? The resolution reads as follows.

Be it resolved that sex education classes shall be introduced into the Uppers Grove School System.

Is there any discussion on that? Is there some discussion? Get up on the floor! You need to get in the house.

I'm Gus Janetti.

Now, I'm not speaking to you tonight in my professional capacity as a teamster.

Only as a concerned parent of the community.

Now, it seems to me that an introduced sex education into the schools is going to encourage a certain amount of doing it among the kids.

I got a young daughter.

She's 16 years old.

She's a lovely girl.

A very lovely girl.

I cannot stand the thought of some young punk spreading her creamy white thighs and violating her flowering pubescence, Marty.

I'm tortured by that vision night and day.

I can't get enough of it.

I think the school system should do something about it.

Marty, Marty, I'd like to talk to Gus for just a minute.

Gus, for just a minute.

Forget that I'm a councilman and chairman of the milk fund.

And as father to father, Gus, I've got a boy who's about the same age as your girl, Wally.

And she is a lovely girl.

A very lovely girl.

Now, my boy's a good boy.

A few years from now, he may end up somewhere in Indochina.

Now, I'd rather he learn about sex with wholesome American girls in a wholesome American school than in some sleazy Saigon bordello.

Martin, Martin, may I be recognized, please? Russ Levine, ZPG chairman of Rosgrove.

Oh, thank you, William.

Thank you, man.

That's zero population growth, Martin.

Now, first of all, I'd like to say that Mr.

Genetti over there seems to feel that there's a direct causal relationship between sex education and promiscuity.

When we know for a fact that there is no proven relationship whatsoever.

Now, more to the point, Martin, as I see it is, sex education as a deterrent to such things as, well, venereal disease.

Now, Martin, do you have any idea what the VD rate is amongst teenagers today? Does anyone here know how many teenagers are walking around with venereal disease? Gobs and gobs of them.

Now, that stuff is growing like crabgrass on the suburbs.

I quote Newsweek on that, Martin, and I think that it's a matter of ignorance and our children.

Our children are ignorant.

I blame the parents for this.

Certainly those children weren't born ignorant.

Martin, Martin, Wayne Gary football coach.

Yeah, coach Wayne Gary.

Fine season, coach.

The answer is not sex education.

The answer is athletics.

It's time that these kids start learning about their minds and their bodies.

Our bodies are beautiful things.

Now, I myself sit in my office all day long and I watch these young guys in the shower.

I tell you, Martin, don't go wasting your money on sex education.

I'm glad you could buy a two -man whirlpool with it.

Coach, coach Gary, I tell you, I tell you things that are a little offside, coach.

Now, no one is trying to hide the human body, but it is a fact that VD is hiding behind a dike of ignorance.

Dykes? What are you bringing dykes into it? Of course, in the county of Cocolombe, every 15 minutes a teenager catches VD.

I know that kid.

And believe me, if he starts catching football, he'll stop catching VD.

Now, I've been holding my peace for a long time.

And if you look at this thing, you'll see that there's more to this than meets the eye, if you know what I mean.

Now, the people who want to get sex into our schools are the same people who wanted to get prayers out, who wanted to get fluoride into the water, who want to get us out of our commitments in Vietnam, in and out, in and out, in and out.

Where is it going to end? That is preposterous.

This is America, Mr.

Levine, where even Jewish persons can speak their mind.

The name's Levine.

Now, I know that there is nothing that certain people in the Kremlin and in Peking would love more than to see our population go down.

I saw an old young fella hanging around a football field.

It started already.

Now, let me just add that from a personal standpoint, I would not like to sit around and look at sex organs all day long.

Sex organs do not belong in school.

She's right, Martin.

Keep it in the toilet where it belongs.

Martin, Martin.

Yeah? Sex organs are not the subject at hand.

You know, you weren't even alive during the Depression.

I stand refused.

Martin, we're talking about sex education here.

This is serious.

This is a matter of survival.

Now, as I see it, it's CPG.

I mean, Martin, did you know that given the size of this planet, with its present population and the projected growth rate, in 25 years' time, how many people are going to have on the face of this Earth? Oodles and oodles! There's going to be people all over the place.

And that's why it's mandatory that we teach these youngsters how to use contraceptives and birth control devices.

Wait a minute! I've heard enough! I don't mind if Mr.

LeBurn comes in here.

Come on! I'm fine.

When I agree, adults should be able to get together and talk about sex.

A certain amount of oral sex is necessary.

This guy's talking about birth control devices.

The next thing you know, he's going to be passing out condominiums to the kids at school.

Can we have some water, please? A little bit more.

A little water.

Yes, young lady, here, please.

O 'Flaherty here.

Now, my husband and I are both devout Catholics.

Fire! Anyway, the Holy Father and the Vatican have said that intercourse is for procreation only.

Now, when my husband and I were first married, we were willing to go along with that.

But soon we began to like intercourse.

And now, now we find ourselves doing it for no reason at all.

The results are six kids, four boys and two girls that I wouldn't wish on anyone.

LeBurn has a way...

Levine! ...has a way for me to have fun without having babies, then I'm for Mr.

I have some water here, please.

I've got to have some water.

Bring that up over there.

Bring that up over there.

Please, bring that up.

Identifier

F.2017-09-0002a

Date Of Production

1970

Abstract

A scene from the never-released feature film COOLER NEAR THE LAKE directed by Robert Flaxman and produced by Bernie Sahlins. The film was mostly completed, but due to unknown circumstances never finished or released. The scene features Brian Doyle-Murray as president of the PTA struggling to contain angry parents played by other cast members seated in the audience at the Second City in Chicago.

PTA MEETING was created by Second City cast members Doyle-Murray, Harold Ramis, Joe Flaherty, Jim Fisher, Judy Morgan, Roberta Maguire, and David Blum. It was originally directed for the stage by Bernie Sahlins.

Run Time

0:10:11

Format

16mm

Extent

450 feet

Color

Color

Sound

Optical

Reel/Tape Number

1/1

Has Been Digitized?

Yes

Language Of Materials

English

Element

Print

Genre

Comedy

Form

Performances

Subject

Education
Political satire
Sexuality and culture

Related Collections

Robert Flaxman Collection

Related Places

North America ➜ United States ➜ Illinois ➜ Chicago

Main Credits

Flaxman, Robert (is director)

Sahlins, Bernie (is producer)

Additional Credits

Flaxman, Robert (is cinematographer)

Flaxman, Robert (is editor)

Participants And Performers

Ramis, Harold (is actor)

O'Flaherty, Joe (is actor)

Doyle-Murray, Brian (is actor)

Fisher, Jim (is actor)

Morgan, Judy (is actor)

Maguire, Roberta (is actor)

Blum, David (is actor)

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