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We're about ready to start the meeting.

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Do you want to kind of come to order now?

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You all know me, I'm Martin Fry.

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And this is the 73rd, 74th meeting of the Uppers Grove BTA.

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And I guess we ought to read the minutes of the last meeting.

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Does someone want to read the minutes from the last meeting, please?

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Marty, Marty Elliott-Pose here.

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Councilman Elliott-Pose.

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Marty, I think we can dispense with a minute from the last meeting.

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I'm sure we all remember the unpleasant business over the school busing issue,

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the heated debate that followed, and all I can say is thank God for the timely arrival of our fine police force.

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And what do you say we move on?

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All righty, we got a telegram here from Bill Poindexter, who was in the vanguard of that busing debate.

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Bill's in the hospital.

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Could we send him some flowers or something?

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Oh, Mr. Fry, we only have 37 cents left in the treasury.

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More than fiduciary information, Martin.

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Yeah, guys.

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It seemed to me last week at this time there was close to 16 dollars in the treasury.

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Today there's 37 cents. How do you explain it?

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What are you implying?

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I'm not implying anything, honey.

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I think someone's got their finger in your financial pie, if you know what I mean.

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You know we have to buy ditto fluid.

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Well, that's a shitload of ditto fluid, Martin.

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That's not good.

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Gus, can we get on to the regular order of business?

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Marty, we going to have the same old refreshments?

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Yeah, I guess we'll have the pool aid and cookies.

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Someone's got a better idea.

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Yeah, how about ditto fluid and cookies?

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All right.

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Look, can we get on to the regular order of business?

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We've got a resolution here before us.

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And look, why don't I just read the resolution and then we'll open it up for discussion, all righty?

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The resolution reads as follows.

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Be it resolved that sex education classes shall be introduced into the Uppers Grove School System.

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Is there any discussion on that?

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Is there some discussion?

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Get up on the floor!

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You need to get in the house.

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I'm Gus Janetti.

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Now, I'm not speaking to you tonight in my professional capacity as a teamster.

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Only as a concerned parent of the community.

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Now, it seems to me that an introduced sex education into the schools

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is going to encourage a certain amount of doing it among the kids.

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I got a young daughter.

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She's 16 years old.

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She's a lovely girl.

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A very lovely girl.

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I cannot stand the thought of some young punk spreading her creamy white thighs

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and violating her flowering pubescence, Marty.

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I'm tortured by that vision night and day.

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I can't get enough of it.

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I think the school system should do something about it.

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Marty, Marty, I'd like to talk to Gus for just a minute.

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Gus, for just a minute.

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Forget that I'm a councilman and chairman of the milk fund.

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And as father to father, Gus, I've got a boy who's about the same age as your girl, Wally.

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And she is a lovely girl.

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A very lovely girl.

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Now, my boy's a good boy.

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A few years from now, he may end up somewhere in Indochina.

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Now, I'd rather he learn about sex with wholesome American girls

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in a wholesome American school than in some sleazy Saigon bordello.

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Martin, Martin, may I be recognized, please?

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Russ Levine, ZPG chairman of Rosgrove.

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Oh, thank you, William. Thank you, man.

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That's zero population growth, Martin.

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Now, first of all, I'd like to say that Mr. Genetti over there seems to feel that there's a direct

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causal relationship between sex education and promiscuity.

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When we know for a fact that there is no proven relationship whatsoever.

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Now, more to the point, Martin, as I see it is,

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sex education as a deterrent to such things as, well, venereal disease.

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Now, Martin, do you have any idea what the VD rate is amongst teenagers today?

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Does anyone here know how many teenagers are walking around with venereal disease?

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Gobs and gobs of them.

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Now, that stuff is growing like crabgrass on the suburbs.

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I quote Newsweek on that, Martin, and I think that it's a matter of ignorance and our children.

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Our children are ignorant.

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I blame the parents for this.

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Certainly those children weren't born ignorant.

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Martin, Martin, Wayne Gary football coach.

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Yeah, coach Wayne Gary. Fine season, coach. Fine season.

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The answer is not sex education.

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The answer is athletics.

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It's time that these kids start learning about their minds and their bodies.

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Our bodies are beautiful things.

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Now, I myself sit in my office all day long and I watch these young guys in the shower.

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I tell you, Martin, don't go wasting your money on sex education.

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I'm glad you could buy a two-man whirlpool with it.

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Coach, coach Gary, I tell you, I tell you things that are a little offside, coach.

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Now, no one is trying to hide the human body, but it is a fact that VD is hiding behind a dike of ignorance.

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Dykes? What are you bringing dykes into it?

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Of course, in the county of Cocolombe, every 15 minutes a teenager catches VD.

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I know that kid.

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And believe me, if he starts catching football, he'll stop catching VD.

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Mr. Fry, Mr. Fry.

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Now, I've been holding my peace for a long time.

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And if you look at this thing, you'll see that there's more to this than meets the eye, if you know what I mean.

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Now, the people who want to get sex into our schools are the same people who wanted to get prayers out,

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who wanted to get fluoride into the water, who want to get us out of our commitments in Vietnam,

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in and out, in and out, in and out.

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Where is it going to end?

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That is preposterous.

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This is America, Mr. Levine, where even Jewish persons can speak their mind.

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The name's Levine.

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Now, I know that there is nothing that certain people in the Kremlin and in Peking

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would love more than to see our population go down.

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Geez, right. I saw an old young fella hanging around a football field.

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It started already.

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Now, let me just add that from a personal standpoint,

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I would not like to sit around and look at sex organs all day long.

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Sex organs do not belong in school.

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She's right, Martin. Keep it in the toilet where it belongs.

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Martin, Martin.

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Yeah?

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Sex organs are not the subject at hand.

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You know, you weren't even alive during the Depression.

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I stand refused.

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Martin, we're talking about sex education here.

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This is serious. This is a matter of survival.

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Now, as I see it, it's CPG.

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I mean, Martin, did you know that given the size of this planet,

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with its present population and the projected growth rate,

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in 25 years' time, how many people are going to have on the face of this Earth?

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Oodles and oodles!

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There's going to be people all over the place.

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And that's why it's mandatory that we teach these youngsters

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how to use contraceptives and birth control devices.

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Wait a minute! I've heard enough!

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I don't mind if Mr. LeBurn comes in here.

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Come on!

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I'm fine.

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When I agree, adults should be able to get together and talk about sex.

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A certain amount of oral sex is necessary.

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This guy's talking about birth control devices.

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The next thing you know, he's going to be passing out condominiums to the kids at school.

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Can we have some water, please?

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A little bit more. A little water.

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Yes, young lady, here, please.

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Mrs. O'Flaherty here.

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Now, my husband and I are both devout Catholics.

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Fire!

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Anyway, the Holy Father and the Vatican have said that intercourse is for procreation only.

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Now, when my husband and I were first married, we were willing to go along with that.

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But soon we began to like intercourse.

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And now, now we find ourselves doing it for no reason at all.

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The results are six kids, four boys and two girls that I wouldn't wish on anyone.

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If Mr. LeBurn has a way...

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Levine!

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...has a way for me to have fun without having babies, then I'm for Mr. Levine.

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Call me Russ.

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I have some water here, please.

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I've got to have some water.

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Bring that up over there. Bring that up over there.

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Please, bring that up.

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Thank you.