We're just kind of, you know, I think it's better, don't you think? Contest or jive, I don't know why I always think we should do a contest.
That's jive.
You're Richard Pryor, right? Disgusting, disgusting.
He's got red jello and pepper or something? Charcoal.
Charcoal all over his face.
Go up to one of the bars there on Chicago's famous Rush Street and probably get laid looking like that.
Hi baby.
Good place for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.
This is their, they had helmets that looked just like this.
Yeah, you better go to the chair if you don't play insanity.
Is anybody down there? What? What? Is anybody down there? Mr.
Gacy, it starts out here.
We married somebody, well we've been marrying people on the air now for a long time, right? Breakfast clubs.
And right after the last time we did it, another guy here in Chicago had a wedding on the air and he didn't even marry the people because he's not a minister.
If you were going out for Halloween, what would you do? Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you, Reverend Garrett.
Thank you, Reverend Garrett.
Okay, why don't you guys come out here? You gave Chris, Chris B.
What does the little bun in the oven do? Summer 24th.
Summer 24th.
Uh oh.
Yeah.
Just say yeah, let's make it casual.
I mean, you are dressed as a ghoul and she is dressed as Dragon Anne, you know? Yeah.
Yeah.
Will you take Chris to be your wedded wife, to love, to cherish, to continually bestow upon her your heart's deepest devotion? Yeah.
Because he's drunk and he can't drive himself.
Will you take BJ to be your wedded husband, to love, to cherish, to continually bestow upon him your heart's deepest devotion? Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh.
Oh, we're all off.
You sniveling idiot.
Please hold hands and repeat after me.
Chris, you don't have to repeat.
You want to repeat? Yeah, let's get the TV camera here and let's do the whole thing.
In sickness.
And? And.
In health.
In health.
In sadness and in joy.
In sadness and in joy.
I don't know where all the emotions are.
Where are you too, Mark? In the party.
Amen.
Amen.
Amen.
I'm going to have three other types of values.
And you know what? I'm going to get it for baby.
And then, right.
Oh.
I'm going to get this ghost.
Am I superficial? I'm going to get this one.
I'm going to get it for all.
Here's the guy with this ghost.
Maybe it's not too late.
Who's he getting to? I'm going to get it for all.
Amen.
Amen.
Amen.
Amen.
Amen.
Amen.
Amen.
Amen.
Amen.
Amen.
Amen.
As a matter of fact, Scott, it's interesting that you bring this up.
Two days ago in LA, I was sitting with the head of Warner Brothers and they were all upset because they had, I think, a million eight.
And they had no idea who to give it to.
They asked me if I knew anybody.
I said, no.
Now that you've let me take your name.
I'll give you some money.
What would you do with the money? Let's be hard.
I've worked for it.
I grew up there.
Would you? Would you make a fool out of yourself for it? And Chicago, it's a very special place.
I not only feel like I live here, I feel like my folks live here.
It makes for sad afternoons wandering around looking for them.
But I'm proud to be in the Windy City and I'm proud to see all those beautiful buildings.
And I, I mean, I love every one of you, literally.
Cute when I say it.
And when I put on my little cute voice and I get away with it.
What? I'd like to ask you.
Hurry up.
I'd like to ask you, what was really in that joint when you were on the Carson show Wednesday night? That blow up.
Real.
I'm sorry, I'll be needing to get stuff on you, sir.
I don't know, I can't stay here.
It's like I'm seeing a fish, a dead fish on the floor.
You're a big -ass fish.
It's not good for me.
Oh, there is a dead fish on the floor.
So, see, our anti -disco army is called the Insane Coho Lips.
What? You hate disco, right? Right.
Uh -huh.
Primarily because I can't find a white three -piece suit that fits me off the rack.
I'm allergic to gold.
I want a black three -piece suit.
You know what I mean? It doesn't hang there.
It doesn't look good on you.
We got to scent this fish.
If you don't spend it in your chair, I think it would change your mind.
Actually, it kind of looks like her and acts like her, too, just laying there on the table.
We're repulsed by it, and we're actually fondling it.
That's what amazes me.
I'm going to spend the better part of the day with her.
I can tell all night.
And everywhere we go today, people will say, hey, these guys get girls, okay? That's right.
These guys had girls.
Very nice.
Only women have gotten the bum rap, don't you? It's not so much the music that we dislike.
You know, there are these new clubs in LA, these punk attacks.
Punk attacks? Disco tech for punk music? Not disco tech.
Punk attacks for punk music.
You go, you get caught.
See, two safety pins with a lift minimum.
Snorting Pina Coladas.
They wear a lot of gold jewelry.
They buy inferior quality cocaine because they don't know the difference.
...for the show, and I think I'm in love with it.
Maybe it's a little too early to do it.
She and I both...
Beautiful woman.
...she and I both look in from both people.
And have premenital sex.
To both people? Much.
Well, you had to be there, okay? You people make me sick.
You said something.
This is about things like a laugh, doesn't it, when you're in a hostel? You can't laugh at everything.
And they didn't have to be there.
No, they have to laugh at everything.
With Ethel Monman.
We're very close.
You're out of place.
I'm singing the disco song.
We have blown up that.
We blow up a disco record a day.
You do? Yeah.
As a matter of fact, we have that record standing by to blow up this morning once again.
No, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no.
Ethel, your hair.
Come on.
Don't you love it? Uh -oh.
The new selective service.
Where's that fixed? Let us not fix the blame on any one person.
Let's just say that this show is merely the culmination of months of research.
Research into the private lives of the executives here at Channel 5.
It's Steve Dahl, not from Lincoln only.
Sorry, Steve Dahl.
With me, Gary Meyers.
Featuring a special musical appearance by The Who.
What's happening, baby? My name is Tony.
Care to dance? What? No.
Hey, don't you like my white three -piece suit, my gold disco jewelry and all? I mean, I've seen Saturday Night Fever 87 times.
Get into it, sweetheart.
Listen, I'll tell you what, just relax for a sec.
Who do you think I'm disco? Because I've spent so much time.
I love drying up my hair and suit.
Do you love it? But do you think I'm disco? Because I know the dance steps.
Learned them all at Fred Astaire.
Some people call me scum.
Because I don't have a realistic set of values.
And you know what? I'm beginning to maybe think they're right.
Listen, I know you're tired of dancing.
Let's skip that and go right to my place.
I have you here.
I can't believe we're on TV.
We're going to have some fun.
We've got The Who coming up.
And not the lighting studio.
Explicitly with the human experience.
Some may be offended by the explicitness of this question.
But we feel it's a question whose time has come.
Hi.
We're Steve Dahl and Gary Meyer from Not for Midgets Only.
We're on the road.
How are you? Okay, how are you? Great.
What's your name? Sandy.
Hi, Sandy.
This week we're asking people who work in photo mats where they go to the bathroom.
You don't have one in here, do you? No, we don't.
We're going to the open dance show today.
Today morning in the dark.
I called you up from Tinnley Park.
Said we were going away.
And though my husband's gay, I want to know the weather.
And intercourse, yay.
You said it was Wednesday.
Oh, Wally, I just love your TK martini.
Wear some porous clothes.
Be sure to grow your nose.
And go to A's Hardware to get a garden hose.
I called and you gave me some pantyhose.
With the cotton panel.
Oh, Wally.
For you in Tinnley Park, I want you so bad, listening to your voice.
I'd get so darn excited.
I'd make love to you all night, mister.
If I were just invited.
Oh, Wally.
My husband's a homosexual.
But he still listens to you.
Oh, Wally.
Don't worry about my son Bobby.
His father makes him play baseball in the nude.
Oh, Wally.
I called and you gave me some pantyhose.
With the cotton panel.
Oh, Wally.
I want you to dinner for two.
And he sent me a scarf.
Oh, that's okay, Wally.
Oh, I got a little lipstick on your face there.
I'm sorry.
I want you so bad.
You are such a stud.
Did your toupee fall off while you're making love? Oh, I don't care, Wally.
I just want you.
Oh, Wally.
Oh, Wally.
Kiss me again, you fool.
You're super.
Oh, you're getting goosebumps, aren't you? Have you made the bed every day and cleaned up after him like a good little girl? Not all the time.
Sometimes he's a real pig, you know.
Yes, I know.
Yes, he can be a bad little boy and he might not get his presents this year.
I don't think he's going to get any presents this year.
No? Well, it doesn't sound to me like you've been such a good little girl if you haven't cooked and cleaned like you're supposed to.
Well, I pick up after the dogs.
The dogs do make a lot of mess, especially that young one's spud all over the carpet all the time.
Little treats.
And not reindeer treats either, huh? Okay, well, I guess that is going to bring you some presents then.
Thank you.
