You You You You I Think it goes away nothing goes away Nothing ever goes away I mean Nothing ever ever goes away.
Mr.
Newton was a man who saw it's impossible to beat the law Oh Ladies and gentlemen, good evening.
I am your servant Your Santa Claus a worker of near miracles.
Oh, yes a miracle worker a reader of mine All your secret desires all your hopes all your needs all all everything you ever dreamed you wanted I Know and I I can satisfy I Can even make you think you dreamed and I can satisfy those dreams Yes, almost in there.
I can make what you want what you desire Kid get off my stage I work alone Yes, thank you ladies.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Nothing nothing at all Please get get off stage.
I'll get the kid off the stage.
Oh, look look look people nothing under my coat Nothing up my sleeves nothing in under my hat Except my ingenious brain to think of things to make for you I'm gonna get off the stage.
All right, you asked for it That never happened before ladies and gentlemen, I forgot my magical my father told me never to use this but I Went up to my handkerchief People do you mind if I take a break for a minute to satisfy my thirst Oh Firm so compact so convenient and so Indestructible oh Pretty hard.
Oh no muss no fuss just an easy flip top open Very easy watch you get the hand How about you better get the wire clippers Right well down the hatch That's what I can do for you the luxury the the convenience when you finish with it you just throw it away Oh Oh Every great magician must have an assistant to sort of help him display his talents, you know And so I would like to present to you my protege my indispensable aid Say hello to the nice folks Well now mr.
Smith, how does this little beauty suit you? Well, it's not so little nonsense Just the right size for the little lady to do all the shopping and it's lovely color coordinated interior luxury carpeting But a smaller car would be easier to handle handles like a charm.
Yes power steering power brakes windows Power seats Can we get out now certainly I was just about to show you the hideaway windshield wipers retractable antenna retractable seat belts Notice the chrome character line down the side of the car to prevent those nasty little cuts and scrapes at the supermarket We have sequential turn signal indicators This year's hottest color metallic cinnamon Notice the remote controlled mirror two coats of rust proof paint will keep it beautiful forever Nothing I I I I I Oh The magazines, the daily news, paper cartons, wrappers, bonds, the signs.
Bonds for growing out some lovely pints that aren't alive today.
Ta -da! And now, ladies and gentlemen, we have an ordinary cardboard box, right? Wrong.
It's really a cereal box.
It looks like an ordinary box.
But when you open it up and you pour the magic milk inside, and then you take the magic spoon out, well, can't win them all.
And then you empty the box.
Easy, clever, convenient.
And when you finish, you just throw it away.
Ladies, are you tired of walking to the stores too many times? Then why don't you get the family size? Duh -ding.
The super economy size.
Ta -da! Wee! The extra large size.
Ta -da! The incredible giant size.
Ta -da! The bigger than life size.
Ta -da! Woo! Or the incredible family year supply size.
Oh! Well, let's see.
We have our post toasties and our frosted flakes.
And we have a little, what's it called? Grape nut, so great.
And then we have frosted mini -wees.
Look, if you have trouble making up your minds in the morning, you should take one of these great big variety packs.
They may be difficult to choose, but look at all the pretty boxes you get to play with.
There's more.
There's this handy sweet pack.
There's the old puffed rice.
Here's some more little goodies.
Wee! Oh, then we have our tricks.
What'd you say? Don't forget the prize! You say prize.
Of course we have to take the prize.
Couldn't wait to have a valuable prize like that, can we? Seems to be very well wrapped in plastic there.
Very well wrapped.
Magic scissors will do it in a minute.
Scissors! Oh, there.
Scissors seem to be well wrapped in plastic.
Well, you know, they...
You bick with it.
Plastic seems to be with us everywhere.
As soon as I get it opened out of the scissors, I'll take the scissors and I'll take the...
I'll get it.
Don't worry.
Why do they have to wrap these things so good? Oh.
Why don't you go eat your frosted flakes? I'm hungry.
I'm hungry.
I'm hungry.
I'm hungry.
I'm hungry.
I'm hungry.
I'm hungry.
I'm hungry.
I'm hungry.
I'm hungry.
I'm hungry.
I'm hungry.
I'm hungry.
I'm hungry.
I'm hungry.
I'm hungry.
I'm hungry.
I'm hungry.
I'm hungry.
I'm hungry.
I'm hungry.
I'm hungry.
I'm hungry.
I'm hungry.
I'm hungry.
I'm hungry.
I'm hungry.
I'm hungry.
I'm hungry.
I'm hungry.
I'm hungry.
I'm hungry.
I'm hungry.
I'm hungry.
I'm hungry.
I'm hungry.
I'm hungry.
I'm hungry.
Angry at the country's In the middle Of Kennebunk Both are simply having Fun with junk To chase their gloom away Hello, I'm talking to you from America's number one trash pile.
The dump, the town dump in Kennebunkport, Maine.
This dump was made famous by the Kennebunkport Dump Association Formed a number of years ago by a group of interested citizens And I'd like to introduce you to the president of that august body Mr.
Edward Mayo Ed? Oh, excuse me, sir.
I was preoccupied with our mascot, Ricky Rat here.
Welcome to our viewing area.
I'd like to know something about how the organization is formed.
About six years ago, we realized that going to the dump Was becoming a fast -disappearing segment of Americana And we wanted to preserve the idea that the family that disposes together Holds noses together.
Do you have officers and so on? Oh, yes, we have 40 members.
Of course, I am president and the other 39 are executive vice presidents.
And of course, we have a dump physician.
That makes me very curious.
What is it that the dump physician does? The dump physician is in charge of examination of trash So that proper gob can be stipulated as to dump picking, for instance.
You've got to be properly got to prevent injury to your ankles.
We've had people injured from the high -rise dump section here.
The dump falls occur frequently because they climb the top of the section To retrieve a goody and the first thing you know, they're prostrate on the ground.
Those things have to be guided against in a well -run dump organization.
You seem to have an extremely detailed organizational structure.
Could you tell us more about it? We have, for instance, an executive vice president in charge of the dump museum.
And at the present time, he's custodian of our large collection of dump art.
And I'd like to have you meet him now.
This is Ted Fales, who is in charge of the dump museum.
And he's assembling for you the trash kebab, one of the features of our permanent collection.
The piece which he is holding is called a crud bug.
And that is constructed by our organization and exists entirely upon roadside litter.
Ted, it's very nice to see you.
Very nice to see you.
Could you tell us something about this interesting object that you're holding on your lap? I believe it's called a crud bug.
It's an example of the art that comes along from objects found here in the dump and why we are forging ahead at great speed with our proposed plans for a large museum in our beloved dump.
We hope to have it in the shape of a pentagon, since that seems to be the shape of things most suitable for dumping.
And we hope within the next 50 years to have the necessary funds to build it.
That's very interesting.
The trash kebab, which is waving around in front of us, also fascinates me.
Is this part of the museum or is this part of the dump gourmet exhibition? Well, frequently our exhibits are combined with more necessary functions, and this is an example of form following function.
It followed the function by about two days.
It also will be one of the few museums in the world where people can take things from.
Most museums you can give things to, and that's the end of it.
But being located in the dump, people have a choice of bringing or leaving objects, which will be an exciting first, I think, for everyone.
I see.
Well, that's almost interesting.
I'd like to know, though, is this museum eligible for government funds? Oh, yes.
We've applied to the National Endowment for the Arts and Humanities three years ago and have never even heard from them as a result of our application.
I find that extraordinary.
President Mayo, in connection with this go -ahead dump program that you have, do you have any plan for innovation and invention? The most cogent thing we have right now is a four -way rat trap, which was originated by this organization and is in the custody of our dump inventor, the executive vice president in charge of continuing education and dumpology.
And I think now I'll step over and have a look at this contraption.
This is a four -way trap, which was designed by the Pied Piper Rat Trap and Cribbage Board Company, which is a subsidiary, and that's a hard word to say, I must say, isn't it, Paul, a subsidiary of our organization.
First of all, we have for the recording of the catch a mink -trimmed cribbage peg.
And in order to utilize this trap for nighttime dumping, we have a light, which will be activated subsequently.
We have also a bell, which will awaken the trapper should he doze off on the job.
Initially, however, we install on this ivory cocktail pick a piece of genuine lobster, and we have a caviar bait pan lid.
Now, when the rat activates this thing, the clobber bar will descend and dispatch him in the fashion that you see here.
The light flashes, the bell rings, the trapper is awakened, the flag of the organization arouses him in a certain pride, and he pegs off the trap rat right here, you see.
And this lanyard, of course, is attached to pieces of heavy trash so that it will not be airborne under the influence of gulls.
Ladies and gentlemen, I can produce for you.
I'm your servant.
I can produce if I only had a little more room.
Shazam! Shazam! Abracadabra? You again.
Shazam.
Shazam.
Shazam.
Shazam.
Shazam.
Shazam.
Shazam.
Shazam.
Shazam.
Shazam.
Shazam.
Shazam.
Shazam.
Shazam.
Shazam.
When you eat a cone and say Shazam, you're a real magician, not a fake, and you see it's possible to make a package go away.
Cycling is taking materials that have been used once and then breaking them down again so that they can be used again.
It bothered me what was happening to the world and the environment.
If we start out by recycling, then maybe it will give people the idea for bigger changes.
I'm going to go to the bathroom.
So recycle everything you can.
If we use resources more than twice, sinking under trash will be a price we'll never have to pay.
I'm going to the bathroom.
I'm going to the bathroom.
I'm going to the bathroom.
