WEBVTT

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Good afternoon sir, can I help you with something?

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White bread? You'll find that over at aisle 13 sir, right next to canned vegetables and artificially homemade pies.

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And don't forget shoppers, today's specialists spam meat surges that looks and acts just like the real thing.

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Eight ounce cans for just 55 cents. Another bargain buy from your super savings food store.

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And remember, there's a free gallon of ice cream waiting for you if our checker doesn't cost a price on every item.

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Hey, Manny, how much are the 12 ounce jars of mayo?

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Well first of all, the spam has to be the right thickness when you cut it.

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Because if it's too thin, it has a tendency to curl up in the frying pan and turn into a little chip.

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And I like to fry them in a little bit of butter because it makes them so they don't stick to the pan and gives them a little extra flavor.

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The bread of course has to be very fresh. For some reason it goes a lot better on white bread.

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It has to be a soft sandwich, soft, fresh stone.

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I tell you, if it's not fresh it's not really a work of art, which a spam and mayo is really a work of art. It's beautiful.

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The mayonnaise is also important. It has to be spread smoothly. It takes a little skill and practice.

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And you cook them until they're sort of a light golden brown. It gives them a nice texture on the outside and they're soft in the middle.

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That first bite is always the big one.

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I don't know, there's usually a lot of stone. You get into this junk food a lot more than you do. Normally anyway.

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It just seems to feel good or something. You don't get as sick of it.

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You don't get any shit like pretzels and dip or...

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Nacho cheese flavored, whatever.

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She gets a damn high. You just sort of feel like a real hungry.

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Once you start eating, you just can't stop.

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Especially if you go fucking M&M's. It's good.

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But I ain't too good for you. You eat all this shit off of them and go stone.

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It's like being able to feed you some candy bars all the time.

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Oh great.

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Son of a bitch.

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Hello there.

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Jesus Christ.

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This is the most disgusting fucking thing I've ever eaten.

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Bazirco! Bazirco!

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Refuel yourself in an atmosphere of righteous indignation.

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At Bob's, you don't have to leave your loved one in the street. Your car is as welcome as you are.

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Meals cooked with real religious fervor. So don't get a job. Hang out at Bob's.

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Take up Ulstery Avenue in the corner of 3rd and Furniture. Turn right at the statue of the square round poet and you're at...

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Bazirco Lounge! It's weird.

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Oh Christ. Are they going to make any discussion again tonight?

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Ah, anything to make a turn.

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Oh how disgusting.